Synrati logo: an open maroon padlock beside the word SYNRATI
EST. THE BEFORE-TIMES · LAST OUTPOST ON THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY

This is not the site you're looking for. Move along.

▼ proceed to the ritual ▼

Consult the Book of Armaments

The Holy Padlock of Antioch

First shalt thou click upon the Holy Padlock. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number of the clicking, and upon the third click the lock, being naughty in no one's sight, shall open and dispense unto thee a joke.

 
Sacred Joke Dispensation · Keep for your records

click the lock again to seal it & go anew

And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.” — The Book of Armaments, Chapter 2, Verses 9–21
Complimentary · For Weary Travelers

The Ten Sacred Jokes

  1. I

    A SQL query walks into a bar, sidles up to two tables, and asks, “mind if I JOIN you?”

  2. II

    There are only two hard problems in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.

  3. III

    I changed my password to incorrect, so whenever I forget it, the login screen reminds me: “Your password is incorrect.”

  4. V

    Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 == DEC 25.

  5. VI

    A penetration tester walks into a bar. Then a pub. Then a tavern. Then /etc/passwd.

  6. VII

    There's no place like 127.0.0.1.

  7. VIII

    I'd tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it. I'd tell you the TCP version, but I'd have to keep repeating it until you acknowledged it.

  8. IX

    How many security consultants does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They file a finding that the bulb is out, rate it Critical, and recommend remediation within thirty days.

  9. X

    Why did the security engineer bring a ladder to the datacenter? Privilege escalation.

  10. XI

    Knock knock. “Who's there?” [a very, very long pause] “Java.”

note: there is no joke IV. four shalt thou not count.